People have a thousand faces,
And souls are all different.
The day I was born happened to be a bone-chilling winter day, with everything desolate and full of broken scenes. The withered trees drooped sadly, allowing their branches to be torn apart by the strong wind, completely losing their former strength. The wild grass, needless to say, had already accepted its cruel reality of withering away in this season.
A loud cry broke the silence in the house, and whether it was my father, mother, or the midwife, they all let out a sigh of relief. My father tilted his head slightly, walked out of the inner room, and lit a cigarette, something he rarely did before. In his simple and traditional mindset, continuing the family line was one of the ultimate goals in life, and he had already achieved that goal early on, naturally feeling proud.
After that, the customary feast for guests began, and they received congratulations from the neighbors. Among the guests sat an old man, around eighty years old, with white hair and dressed in a black robe. His eyes were tightly closed, one hand tightly gripping a dragon-headed cane, while the other played with a sparkling jade ruyi. In the festive atmosphere, this old man seemed out of place. My father was quite puzzled as he had never seen this person before, so he politely approached and asked:
"Sir, which family do you come from..."
"Your child has been cursed and will eventually kill you." The old man waved his hand, interrupting my father.
My father became furious and was about to reprimand this unwelcome guest, but then he heard the voice of the old man again:
"What I have said will be revealed in the future, and we will meet again." With that, he stood up and left.
Even though my father was usually gentle, he found it difficult to calm down at this moment. He picked up a teacup from the table and threw it on the ground, creating a loud noise that caught everyone's attention.
"On the auspicious day of my son's birth, what is this..." a middle-aged man approached and asked.
"This... what are you referring to?" my father asked.
"There was only you here just now, we didn't see any old man, you..."
My father was stunned for a moment, the middle-aged man didn't seem to be deceiving him, and the other neighbors sitting around also looked puzzled. But he had clearly heard the old man say extremely arrogant words. For a moment, reality and illusion seemed to overlap, and my father couldn't distinguish between truth and falsehood. And what became even more mysterious was that after that day, my destiny began to turn unfortunate. I was born with a lung disease that couldn't be cured. This made me physically weak, unlike other young people who were strong and vigorous. My father gradually developed a disgust towards me, calling me a tuberculosis ghost, a burden. I became rebellious and started to go against conventional values, embracing things that were despised by the so-called righteous path. With these combined effects, I seemed to be burdened with a malicious curse, like a prisoner with an ink-stained face, avoided by everyone. But I didn't care about any of this, I had my own philosophy of living. Since everyone saw me as an outsider, I lived recklessly.
When I was around seventeen or eighteen years old, I met a worldly woman, which started with a fierce argument between my father and me. I had just finished my studies at school and was preparing to take the exams organized by the new government, but my father had already arranged a marriage for me. I refused, firstly because I strongly opposed arranged marriages; secondly, I knew very well that most of the married women were only fourteen or fifteen years old, which I absolutely couldn't accept; and thirdly, I had no interest in women, even hearing others talk about the pleasures of the bed made me uncomfortable. But of course, I wouldn't confess these secrets. To avoid it, I came up with a risky but permanent plan: go to the brothel in the county, pick any madam, and then falsely claim that I had no money and ask her to take me home to get it. With my father's conservative nature, knowing that I had done such a thing, he would definitely not arrange a marriage for me anymore. Although my reputation would be damaged, it was still better than being forced into a difficult situation. I made up my mind and waited for a day when my father was away, then I went to the county.
The scenery in the county was completely different from the village, both the shops and houses were more eye-catching. But I didn't have time to appreciate it, my mind was solely focused on my plan. I found a red door with colorful embroidered balls, undoubtedly a brothel, so I confidently walked in like an experienced person.
As expected, as soon as I entered, the madam approached me. Seeing that I was not dressed extravagantly, and even had a young face, a strong disdain flashed in the madam's eyes, but she quickly put on a smile:
"Young master, what kind of excitement are you looking for here today? Let me introduce you to something."
"Cough... what do you have here?" I pretended to be calm.
"Judging by your appearance, you must be a first-timer. Let Ruyi serve you, she may be young, but her body is impeccable. And she also knows music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. I guarantee that you will be satisfied."
In this line of work, it was necessary to use an alias, both for the convenience of the madam's management and to maintain the dignity of these women. I knew a little about this.
"Alright then, let it be Ruyi."
"But, the price is not cheap." The madam looked hesitant.
"Don't worry, I won't owe you anything." I answered generously, pretending to point to the location of my pocket.
Upon hearing this, the madam felt relieved and took my hand with a smile, leading me upstairs.
After taking me to a room on the second floor, the madam gave me a meaningful smile and then closed the door. The room was dimly lit, with a few candles, but overall it was dark. I felt a bit awkward as I sat down at the table, pouring myself a glass of water.
"Young master, are you not interested in me? Why are you just drinking water by yourself?" A charming voice came from behind the screen.
"To be honest, I don't have a single penny. I came here to find an excuse to deal with my family. Later, you can call the madam in and say that I want to deny payment, and ask her to take me home to get the money. Don't worry, I won't shortchange you."
"If the money won't be shortchanged, why not have some fun, unless you're not capable in that aspect?"
"I'm just not interested in women."
"There's no cat that doesn't steal fish in this world," Ruyi had already walked out from behind the screen. She wore a robe that lightly covered her jade-like body, a red rope tied around her waist, and her black hair was pinned up with a golden hairpin. She placed her hand on my chest and slowly turned around:
"You have a talent for making up stories to amuse me."
I pushed her hand away, stood up, and said seriously:
"What I said is not to deceive you. If you don't believe me, then don't."
Ruyi fell silent for a moment, then chuckled:
"Don't be angry, I'll compensate you."
I didn't respond, and the room fell silent for a while.
"Young master, earlier you mentioned that you came here to deal with your family. What exactly happened?" Ruyi suddenly asked. Hearing this, I told her about my experience, and to my surprise, she listened very attentively, without any hint of insincerity. After I finished speaking, Ruyi sighed and said slowly:
"If only I could have been as brave as you back then, perhaps my fate wouldn't be as tragic as it is now."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I was the daughter of a poor tenant farmer. My parents sold me to a blacksmith's family when I was thirteen years old to support my younger brother. I suffered a lot of torment there." Ruyi turned her back to me and unbuttoned her top.
"I have already said that I have no interest in a woman's body, why..." I was about to say something, but I was stunned by the sight in front of me. The back that could no longer be called human: scars resembling branding irons were visible everywhere, cotton thread barely holding two pieces of rotten flesh together, oozing crimson blood. I couldn't imagine such a horrifying physical condition beneath Ruyi's beautiful appearance.
"Afterward, he got tired of me and sold me to a local gentry." Ruyi put her clothes back on, and I saw a softer look in her eyes. "He treated me with great affection, even more than my biological father. He provided me with education, taught me to play the piano, write poetry, and took me to seek medical advice. He didn't mind my past at all and even said that he would take me to Shanghai when I grew up..." Her eyes lost their luster as she continued, "But later, he was killed by a group of thieves who took away all his belongings. I managed to escape, but with nowhere to go, I ended up in this brothel, living a dirty life by selling my body."
I didn't know how to respond, so I gently patted her shoulder and comforted her:
"Life is unpredictable, now that you're here, just try to live your life."
"I have encountered countless despicable and vulgar men, but in order to survive, I had to greet them with a smile. They would tie me up with hemp ropes and whip me with a horsewhip. Or they would strip me naked and force me to crawl on the ground."
I was initially surprised, but then filled with righteous indignation, feeling an uncontrollable anger in my chest.
"But whenever I thought of their faces, I felt nauseous and my whole body stiffened. They would become dissatisfied and treat me even more brutally. Later on, I started fantasizing about the face of that gentry in my mind, just to barely control the discomfort in my heart. It caused me immense pain, but I couldn't free myself from it." Ruyi covered her face and cried, her sorrow and grief overwhelming, causing anyone who heard it to feel unbearable.
"That gentry must have cherished you. If there is an afterlife, his spirit will surely bless you for the rest of your life." I sighed deeply and gently advised. I had initially felt a slight disgust towards her, but now all of it had transformed into sympathy.
"You seem different from the people I've met before, which is why I feel a sense of empathy. I apologize if it's presumptuous." Ruyi had regained some composure and trembled as she spoke to me.
"That gentry didn't leave you any inheritance before he was killed?"
"It happened suddenly, he didn't expect it. But on the day I entered his house, he gave me a jade ruyi." She reached into a cabinet and took out a ruyi, handing it to me to see.
"He said this ruyi resembles me a lot, and since I came here, I have been using this name."
"How does this resemble you? Perhaps..." I realized my own recklessness and quickly closed my mouth, placing the jade ruyi on the table. In the flickering candlelight, the shadow of the jade ruyi was cast on the wall, resembling a person lying on a bed, arching their body.
"If you don't mind, why not come home with me and say that we have had an affair, resulting in your pregnancy. My father, for the sake of his reputation, might be willing to buy your freedom, and as for the madam, with the right price, she will surely agree. Once we're back home, we can be married in name only, without fulfilling the duties of a husband and wife. My worries can be relieved, and you can escape from this misery. What do you think?"
Ruyi was stunned for a moment, then said, "Young master, please don't make fun of me. Our lives are different, there's no need to pity me. I won't help you deceive others, so please leave." She reached into the cabinet and took out a few silver coins, handing them to me, then returned to behind the screen. I felt a mix of emotions and didn't know how to respond. With my head lowered, I walked heavily down the stairs.
...
From that moment on, I no longer thought about my absurd plan. And somehow, my father suddenly stopped caring about my marriage and instead became close with a group of strangely dressed people. Sometimes, when they whispered among themselves and saw me enter the house, they would fall silent, afraid that I might overhear something, which puzzled me. But with my worries no longer occupying my mind, I felt a sense of relief and tranquility. I secretly planned to find an opportunity to visit Ruyi again, bringing her some food from home as a token of gratitude for her kindness last time. Finally, when my father was away, I went to the county again. With the previous experience, I was familiar with the route and quickly found the same brothel. The madam, still dressed up, greeted me, but she clearly didn't remember me.
"What wind has blown you here today? What kind of pleasure are you seeking from us?"
"I'm here to find Ruyi, is she still upstairs?"
The madam's expression became strange, and she said in a suspicious tone:
"Young master, are you genuinely unaware or are you making fun of me? Ruyi was beaten to death by a nobleman a few days ago."
"Beaten to death?"
"Yes, perhaps that nobleman went too far. But he compensated us generously, enough to buy her worthless life. That little wretch, she earned less than what we were compensated." The madam's tone was disdainful.
"Bang." The food in my hand fell to the ground, startling the madam.
"Hey, young master, don't leave. We still have other girls..."
I felt a piercing pain, as if something was missing. In reality, I had indeed lost something, an unknown nobleman had killed my only friend. I became even more despondent, more rebellious against my father's control and abuse. After another argument between us, I smashed my father's tobacco pipe, roaring:
"Everything I have is because of you, how can you still be so shameless."
My father looked at me, trembling, his lips moving, squeezing out a sentence from between his teeth:
"As expected, as expected..."
...
I woke up from the dream, realizing that someone had covered my head with a burlap sack, forcefully pulled me out of the house, and brought me somewhere.
"Kneel!" my father's voice rang out.
I regained my vision and saw the surroundings clearly, it was the ancestral hall of our clan. My father, dressed in a black robe, leaning on a dragon-headed cane, sat upright in the center, while the strange people I had seen before stood beside him.
My father stood up, lit incense in front of the ancestral tablet, and bowed a few times:
"Ancestors, our unfortunate family has a wicked spirit possessing our unworthy descendant, whose fate is intertwined with the rest of our clan. Today, I will carry out justice on behalf of the heavens, and burn this wicked spirit in front of our ancestors to appease their spirits."
"Take action." My father said to the people beside him, while taking out a jade ruyi from his pocket and gently caressing it.
My eyes widened, as if blood was about to drip out, and I shouted:
"You old bastard, where did you get that ruyi? Aren't you afraid of retribution, of not having a good death?"
"How do you know!" My father was taken aback, and quickly ordered the people around to throw me into the fire.
...
I looked down at my burning self from above, shaking my head and muttering to myself:
"It's still impossible to change my fate in this life."
"Enough, let's start over."
I stopped thinking and my soul slowly dissipated into the heavens and earth, leaving no trace of ever having existed.
In the distance, a loud cry pierced through the silence of midnight.