I turned over and let out a heavy sigh.
For several nights in a row, I couldn't sleep well. There were always stray dogs barking in the middle of the night. At first, there were only one or two, but now there were groups of them, like a gathering. I felt annoyed and my mind was in chaos, playing shadow puppets in my head, recalling the experiences of the past month or two.
My father also woke up and helped me tuck in the blanket before getting out of bed. Soon, a red light appeared in the dark room, accompanied by smoke. I felt disgusted and coughed a few times to show my complaint.
My father laughed a few times and said to me, "Just like your dad's son."
"When your grandfather was still alive, I was just like you."
After saying that, he put on his shoes and went to the yard to smash his precious tobacco pipe. I couldn't fall asleep, so I sat up and looked out the window. By the faint moonlight, I saw my father squatting in the courtyard, looking like a guardian stone lion. Thinking of this, I couldn't help but laugh. After watching for a while, I suddenly heard rustling sounds from the yard, followed by my father's scolding, and then a series of hurried footsteps. I quickly put on my clothes and went out of the house to find out what was going on. But my father had already returned from the yard, and when he saw me rushing out, he waved his hand and said, "Just a thief, he's already scared away."
"Go back to sleep!"
Perhaps because of my father's reprimand, the stray dogs were also deterred, and I had a peaceful sleep that night, sleeping until the sun was high in the sky the next day. After getting up, my father called me to go with him to buy some miscellaneous items. When we reached the street, we saw a crowd of people surrounding a woman, and we could still hear a woman crying. My father and I approached and asked one of the people about the reason. The man glanced at my father and me:
"Do you know about the banquet hosted by the Bao family's young master some time ago? This woman is the birth mother of that girl. It was originally intended for her to be adopted and given a way out."
The man paused and, seeing that no one was looking at him, continued, "But the third young master directly took her as a concubine and mistreated her. The two of them went to the mansion to demand justice, but the man was beaten to death, and they still haven't found him. The woman later went to report to the officials but was also expelled. Now, she's here crying for justice."
"A pitiful family. But who would have thought that the young master of the Bao family would do such a thing. They were all outstanding people, envied by generations..."
I secretly looked through the crowd and saw a shocking scene: the woman sitting on the ground, crying in a pitiful voice that made people tremble. Her hair was covered in dust, her clothes seemed torn, and her dry hands were clutching a piece of white cloth stained with bloodstains. People just watched, no one approached.
I couldn't bear it and tugged at my father's sleeve. My father looked at me and shook his head gently, "The Bao family's affairs, even the officials dare not get involved."
"If you want to blame someone, blame that woman. If it weren't for her, this wouldn't have happened."
After saying that, he pulled me away quickly. I turned my head and glanced at the miserable woman, who seemed lifeless. Only her continuous cries made it clear that she was still alive.
I didn't resent my father. I had long been accustomed to his indifference.
After buying all the necessary items, my father took me to the pharmacy. He took out a crumpled piece of paper from his sleeve and handed it over. The shopkeeper looked at it carefully for a while and said loudly, "This is the handwriting of that old doctor. Do you know that he killed someone with his treatment?"
"You must have a life to drink the medicine he prescribes!"
My father looked a bit embarrassed and snatched the prescription back, saying, "As long as you prescribe it for me, no need for more words."
"This prescription can treat lung diseases, so it should be able to treat coughs."
"Your dad is getting old, he can't even smoke anymore." My father laughed at himself.
I knew that my father knew it all too well, it wasn't just about smoking too much. But I didn't let it affect my mood. Since stepping on the boat to Huan Town, the fate of our family had already been judged. The boatman's son had already passed away, and the ending for our family was clear, only a matter of time. But I hoped for it to come sooner, so I would suffer less.
Back home, my father started a fire to boil the medicine. The smell of the herbs was not pleasant, with a faint stench. Perhaps because of the strong smell of the herbs, the stray dogs outside also stopped barking when night fell. Although there was no more annoyance from the stray dogs, my father woke up more frequently at night, and his cough became more severe. So for several days in a row, I still couldn't sleep peacefully. I couldn't bear it anymore and asked my mother to take me to my grandmother's house for a few days. My mother understood my difficulties and agreed. Before leaving, my mother prepared some herbs to boil and drink at my grandmother's house. I hated the taste of the medicine, but the thought of having a peaceful sleep made me accept it.
As I expected, far away from the barking and coughing, my mood improved a lot, and the foul smell of the herbs seemed to disappear. One day, someone came to visit, looking anxious. My mother went to greet the guest, and after a few words, she sat down on the chair in a daze. My grandmother asked the visitor what was going on, only to find out that something had happened in our family: last night, there was a thief near our house, and my father heard someone calling for help, so he went to help. Usually, thieves are after money, but for some reason, that thief decided to kill my father...
"Your husband was tall and strong, but how could he lose the ability to fight against a thief?" My grandmother sighed and hugged my weeping mother tightly.
But I knew it all too well.
Fortunately, my father had good relationships with people from the same county, and many of them came to help with the funeral arrangements, even the Bao family members came. So the funeral went smoothly, except that the person who called for help that night didn't show up until the burial.
"Your father was obedient all his life, and finally, when he was brave, who would have thought that he would lose his life."
"He may not have done many good deeds, but he wasn't a bad person. How could heaven let him end up like this."
My mother sobbed.
After my father passed away, I took over some of his responsibilities. I took the crumpled prescription and fetched the herbs for my mother and myself to drink. By chance, I passed by the place where I had seen that woman before, and order had been restored there. Perhaps having lost hope, she no longer struggled. After all, as my father said, the Bao family's affairs were beyond the reach of the officials, let alone for powerless common people. But what surprised me was that the medicine I fetched this time seemed to be of good quality and didn't emit a foul smell, which made me feel relieved. However, as soon as it was late at night, the stray dogs started their joyful gathering again.
After a day or two, I smelled the foul smell of the herbs again, and the stray dogs silently stopped barking.
This prolonged and terrible illness finally disappeared. Fortunately, my mother and I were unharmed. To make a living, my mother took me away from Chixian County. She first remarried a burly blacksmith who was addicted to alcohol and often beat my mother, but she always endured it until one day he pressed a burning piece of iron against my back, and my mother finally decided to leave with me.
Later, my mother remarried a schoolteacher. My impression of him was not bad, but he often touched me inappropriately and wanted me to sleep with him. Although it was not inappropriate for a father and son to sleep together, I still found it annoying. So I quietly told my mother about it. After a quarrel, my mother decided to leave him.
After that, my mother didn't remarry and raised me alone. I grew up to be in my twenties, and my mother passed away due to overwork, following my father. At that time, I had the ability to support myself, so I thought about my childhood experiences and became an apprentice at a medical clinic. But I never smelled the foul smell of the herbs again.
But I was no longer the same as my childhood self, becoming numb to the world's life, death, good, and evil. I used to resent my father's weakness, thinking that he was heartless and indifferent. I wanted to rebel, to break free, to escape the shackles. But after experiencing the coldness of the world, I couldn't resist its assimilation. My father was right, after all, I was his son.
In the next life, I will repeat the past. That is enough to console myself.
All things go through cycles, life and death are indescribable.
The cries of sentient beings are mournful, black and white are always impermanent.
Good people suffer bitter consequences, evil people meet a good end.
Portraying a painted face to the world, eventually becoming scattered clouds.